STRAPPING YOUNG LAD Drummer: 'No One Touches Us As A Live Monster'

STRAPPING YOUNG LAD drummer Gene Hoglan has posted the following message on the band's official web site:

"Howdy folks! It's yer big buddy Gene here, ready to open a can o' whoopass on ya! Oh, wait a minute — I'm being informed it's lima beans. Eww.

"Sorry it's been a few days since I've been online, we haven't had wireless in the past few days, and fuck if I'm gonna type up one o' these big fuckers if I can't send it immediately.

"Let's see, I'll go back a few days to recap. After our show in Cleve-o, I ran down to Peabody's to hang with the HATEBREED and FULL BLOWN CHAOS men, that was righteous! Sean from HATEBREED was crackin' me up! Sharp dude, indeed! Saw our pal Warren Lee from Stone City Management — he's just picked up my roommate (and PUNCHDRUNK bandmate) Cam's band, SAVANNAH. Warren is one of the good ones. The man knows what he's doin'. Check oot SAVANNAH at savannah-core.com, and also a feature at rekmagazine.ca. They ain't mall-core, that's for sure. Too ugly for that.

"The next day brought us to Harpo's in Detroit. The DARKANE dudes were like, 'Walking tour? What?' I had those guys shit-scared that they were gonna get raped if they even stepped out onto the street, so they stuck pretty close to the bus. Better to be safe than shot, I figure. Fortunately, we never got any reports of anybody gettin' fucked with there, so that was a sigh of relief. And, no Swedes were injured during the making of the Harpo's episode. Yah.

"Then came Toronto, where we LEVELLED the Opera House! Hell yeah, sweet Canadian soil. Man, it took us a few days on this tour to get our legs, which is strange for us, but as of Toronto, STRAPPING is firing on ALL cylinders, and yes, we fucking devastate. NO ONE touches Dev as a frontman. No one touches us as a live monster, either. Had some o' the boys from Vancouver, Tom G. and Shorn, come oot to that one, and it's always good to see some faces from home. Willy the Keyboard Guy took a cruise earlier in the day to the spot where we last stashed our, um, 'shrubbery' from the last tour (border crossings, you know), and it had turned to mulch. Boo. We are notorious 'stashers.' And we have been able to return to places months later to find our hooch intact. Not this time, though. He did however, return with our carboretored implement, so all was not lost...

"We then had a day off in NYC. Well, New Jersey, technically. We stayed at this shithole in See-Cock-Us, and buddy checkin' us in was a bit of a prick. Him: 'There's no way I'm gonna let you only get one room while everybody stays on that bus!' Us: 'Suck it. And send over more towels.'

"We got word that SUFFO/ CRYPTO/ VADER/ DECAPITATED/ ABORTED/ DESPISED ICON/ DEW-SCENTED were playing B.B. King's that night, and there was no way we were gonna miss that mighty bill. The Swedes ran off to the city early, and as we were trundling them into a cab, it was like sending yer kids to camp. 'You've all got your jackets, right? Phone if there's trouble!' Funny. We headed down a bit later, and dudes, let me tell you this; Flo from CRYPTOPSY is THE SHIT! JESUS! The things that man can do on the kit is mindboggling! I gotta take some lessons, indeed.

"SOILWORK finally joined us last night at Irving Plaza, NYC. It's good to have them here, and we welcome them with open arms. After the show, a few of the dudes were like,'Holy Fuck! We have to follow THAT every night? You gotta be kidding!' To which, I retorted, 'That's right, mo-fucky's! Hey, we'll switch with ya if need be!' Heehee!

"Earlier in the day, drumtech/tour manager Bryan Seely was walking past their bus, when a couple of hot girls stepped off and asked him, 'So, what's this about having to turn the generators off all day? That sucks!' (some NYC noise-ordinance), and Bryan immediately thought, 'Okay, the SOIL-dudes have a couple high maintenence girlfriends. What, do they need to put their make-up on or something?' Then, one of 'em cranks open the genny-door and turns it off, while the other one gets behind the wheel and starts backin' the damned thing up! Bryan's rubbin' his eyes at the whole thing, thinkin' to himself, 'Hey now, Scotty (our driver) doesn't even let ol' Bry even SIT behind the wheel, and these guys' GIRLFRIENDS are allowed to drive theirs? WHAT?' Then he realizes, 'They ARE the drivers!' Holy shit! SOILWORK has two young, hot chicks driving their bus! How cool is that? I haven't seen 'em yet, but Where do WE sign up for that? Hell, every driver WE ever get is either heavily bearded or bellied. But then again, their bus broke down on the way to Worcester today, so (cue: Nelson Muntz), 'Ha Ha!'

"We did a couple interviews with Juliya for all her shows, those went well. Of course, her first question to me was, 'So, what's this I read? You're gay?,' to which I replied, 'Uh, I prefer the the term 'FAG',' much hilarity ensued. Then, she, I and Dougie (McKay, FEAR FACTORY tour manager extraordinaire) went oot to lunch. Oh, yes, before I forget, 'Uranium' will be hosting the world premiere of our new one, 'Zen', and that's coming up pretty quick. So again, keep yer eyes peeled.

"Last night's show was EXTREMELY crushing! Like I said, we are on fire. If you miss STRAPPING live, you are retarded. No room on the stage, but it just didn't fuckin' matter. We wielded, hell yeah. I'm one fortunate motherfucker. I get to play in my favorite band. How many of YOU get to say that? I hope all o' ya.

"Well, folks, an hour 'til showtime, I'm oot!"

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