Less than two weeks after admitting that she recently experienced a setback in her sobriety, Kelly Osbourne discussed the relapse during an appearance on the "Knockin' Doorz Down" podcast.
The 36-year-old daughter of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne said that the year since the onset of the coronavirus pandemic has presented many challenges for her and others suffering from addiction who are now without many of the tools and support services they need to get on the road to recovery.
Calling the relapse "a blessing in disguise," Kelly said (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "I was running on my own self-will for too long, because I got happy. And I am that classic addict that is, like, 'Oh, I'm happy. Everything's great now. I can do whatever the fuck I want.' And it took one person saying one thing to me that let the addict in my head be, like, 'Fuck.' 'Cause I was dealing with a lot of stress. Everyone has this year. If you're in a program, the pandemic has really screwed a lot of people, became we need our fellowship, we need our meetings, we need the program and the way that it was. And then, all of a sudden, that gets ripped away from you. And you're, like, 'How do I start again?' And then you become a classic victim, and you start looking for excuses, and look for the excuse. And then I finally found the excuse that I need and I took it.
"The thing that destroys me is that I lost my time," she continued. "Because my ego was, like, 'I've got this many years,' and, 'I've been sober for this much time.' And then I realized that's not what this is about — that's not what this is about at all.
"The reason why it happened — it did not last long," Kelly added. 'It was a quick bender. And the reason I had to be honest about it is because this journey is not easy. This disease, you relapse sometimes. No one's perfect. It is one day at a time, and I wasn't doing one day at a time. I wasn't. And I wasn't using my resources. I stopped calling my sponsor… I stopped going to meetings. I stopped seeing my therapist, because I was, like, 'I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. All my dreams are coming true.' All the jobs that I wanted to get that I got because I was sober and was capable to be present enough to do them. And then I was, like, 'Oh my God. All your dreams are coming true. You're gonna have to destroy it now. You're not good enough. You don't deserve this.' And I let it get the better of me."
The reality TV personality went on to say that some of her family's health struggles — specifically, brother Jack, who has multiple sclerosis, and Ozzy, who suffers from Parkinson’s disease — were a contributing factor to her relapse.
"I'm not good in situations, like most addicts, that you can't control," she said. "And everything that went on recently with my family got too much for me; I couldn't take it. And then, with everything that's been going on in this world and never knowing if you're allowed to say something or not, because I just wake up wanting to be a good person and help people and work for equality and work for just the right to be who you are, no matter what. And when you have no control over that because the rules are changing every day, it makes you feel like, 'What the fuck am I supposed to do?' And then I was dealing with my dad's Parkinson's [disease]. And I was dealing with, am I ready to be working again? Is this what I want? And everything just got too much, and I fucking crumbled.
"The addict in me wants me to be drunk, alone, unhappy, no boyfriend, no friends, sitting in my apartment by myself," Kelly added. "That's where I am most comfortable — drinking. And I was in complete isolation, drinking and sleeping and not being fucking human in any way. And that lasted for one week until, the truth is, my boyfriend looked at me, and I could tell he was, like, 'You're disgusting.' And I was, like, 'Oh my God. What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing?' And the next day, I was, like, 'Nope. Done.' I had entered into an outpatient again, because I think I needed a little bit of extra help. I think it's really important to do that when you relapse."
Kelly celebrated three years of sobriety in August 2020.
In a 2009 interview with People, Kelly said that she first encountered drugs at 13, when she gained access to liquid Vicodin after she had her tonsils removed. She eventually did four stints in rehab, went through six detoxes and paid a visit to a mental institution.
Three years ago, Kelly told People that she was able to get sober because it became a matter of life or death.
"For me, it was either I was going to die, or I was going to get help," she said. "I decided that I wanted to live, that life is worth living and that I have an incredible family and friends, and why am I allowing myself to be so miserable?"
When Kelly celebrated the second anniversary of her getting sober, she commemorated the occasion by writing on Instagram: "I woke up this morning feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. I can't even put into words how much my life has changed over the last 2 years. To the friends and family that have supported me on this Journey thank you I love you all so much. If you are new to sobriety stick to it life really does get good."
Kelly is not the only member of the Osbourne clan who has battled alcoholism and drug addiction. Jack Osbourne has 17 years of sobriety under his belt.