OZZY OSBOURNE: Up Close & Way Too Personal

The following item appeared in today's edition of the New York Post:

OZZY. As in, Osbourne. As though a load of humans are walking around with the name Ozzy, right? The whole family was being immortalized for Vanity Fair. For reasons semi-unclear, photographer Annie Leibovitz was positioning The Wizard of Ozzy in the loo. Surely this is no critique of their show. In any case, he was being shot in the can. Whether his personal john is so small that it hasn't room for a large reclining couch is another item about which I am semi-unclear, due to my never having been invited to his toilet. Or, in fact, to his house. The point is, his picture was being snapped, not only in the lavatory but, actually, on the pot. Whilst he sat on the pot itself.

The stylist organized for him to drop his trousers so, at first, there he sat - pants puddled around his toes. Then they tried tucking his shorts into whatever proper places shorts can be tucked into to sort of make this picture-perfect setting. Impeccable realist Ozzy would have none of it. Gents, or even ladies, don't do business on commodes with their panties on.

So, he took them off. Off they remained. For the entire shoot. This will be a December spread. And, speaking of a spread, barring any computer graphic or retoucher added to the budget, His total Ozzness will be visible in Vanity Fair.

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