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Last Updated: May 20, 2013 12:30 PM




TOOL Frontman's PHOENIX NEW TIMES Column Debuts - Sep. 11, 2012
Maynard James Keenan, the singer for TOOL, A PERFECT CIRCLE and PUSCIFER, recently agreed to write a bi-weekly column for Phoenix New Times' "Up On The Sun" blog.

In his debut piece, titled "These Are The “End of Days", the musician discusses his winemaking and offers offering advice to those who believe in the Mayan calendar's promise of a 2012 apocalypse.

Keenan writes, "The inherent problem with being a Chicken Little-type person is that if or when the sky ever falls, I'll be too flattened to snip 'See? I told ya so!' And although I live near Sedona, I possess no crystal ball, and any Tarot cards I may have owned have certainly all been shredded in the spokes of my long retired banana seat Huffy."

He continues, "These are in fact the 'End of Days' and people need to know about it As Soon As Possible! Obviously the only rational thing to do is to clear out all of your bank accounts and send me a cashier's check for the full amount … along with that cashiers check, I'm gonna need [for] you to go ahead and send along a detailed list of all your assets, toys, deeds, to any real estate, patents pending, etc. Please include high resolution photos. I can't be bothered to Google image each and every one of them. Not enough time."

TOOL has not issued a new album since 2006's "10,000 Days".

Keenan recently spent time on the road with PUSCIFER in support of that band's sophomore album, "Conditions Of My Parole", which was released last October via Puscifer Entertainment.

A PERFECT CIRCLE will perform one show in 2012 — on December 29 at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, Nevada.

The band also confirmed its participation in the 2013 edition of the Soundwave Festival, which kicks off February 23 in Brisbane, Australia.

To report any abusive, obscene, defamatory, racist, homophobic or threatening comments, or anything that may violate any applicable laws, please send an e-mail to bmouth@bellatlantic.net with pertinent details. Anyone posting such material will be immediately and permanently banned. IP addresses are recorded to aid us in enforcing these conditions.

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COMMENT | #
posted by : Richard Tucker
9/11/2012 4:35:42 AM
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Lame.


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COMMENT | #
posted by : Double Shit-Talkin Jive
9/11/2012 5:29:03 AM
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what a fucking loser, this could've been written by a retarded 14 yo.


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COMMENT | #
posted by : Big Ol' Titties
9/11/2012 5:31:55 AM
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I expected something witty. But not retarded.


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COMMENT | #
posted by : Megamoca coffee
9/11/2012 5:37:04 AM
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Humm... shallow and padantic.


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COMMENT | He's Retarded
posted by : Eatfucksuck
9/11/2012 6:00:00 AM
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Fuck Him And His Wine


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COMMENT | ...
posted by : jocques
9/11/2012 7:49:47 AM
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Wow, that's...shit. Pretentious drivel from a talentless has-been.


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COMMENT | #
posted by : mygoodeye
9/11/2012 7:50:32 AM
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I hope nobody is paging for this garbage.


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COMMENT | #
posted by : tstep182
9/11/2012 8:46:23 AM
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He had a lot to say. He had a lot of nothing to say.


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COMMENT | Stick..
posted by : mr fuzzy
9/11/2012 8:59:49 AM
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to Music and Vino, Maynard.

I can't believe someone thought this was news.

I can't believe I actually read it.

Next.


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COMMENT | Narcissist Much?
posted by : DevilShark
9/11/2012 9:00:09 AM
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The only "End of Days" coming will be to your career. Get to fucking work little man.


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COMMENT | #
posted by : skadi09
9/11/2012 9:09:49 AM
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huh, weird that everyone here hates it. I thought it was pretty neat. Kind of reminded me a bit of Bill Hicks actually. I mean it's not a literary masterpiece by any means, but it's actually quite good as far as columns go. Look forward to the next one to see what else he has in store


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COMMENT | #
posted by : RiotAct666
9/11/2012 9:34:53 AM
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Put out the new Tool album!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop makings fans wait 6-8 years for one.


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COMMENT | Yawn.
posted by : Watt
9/11/2012 9:37:50 AM
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I love the irony behind the name of the band "Tool", Maynard's pretentiousness and arrogance, his message that people are sheep and need to think for themselves, his hatred for his fans and people in general, and his cult-like band of sheep who buy everything from Tool thongs to Maynard James Keenan's hairy asshole fleshlight.

It reminds me a lot of ICP; a bunch of clowns shitting out merchandise to their band of juggalos and music with no real substance that appeals to the disenfranchised nerds that dwell on the fringe of society.

They do know how to run a business, though. I'll give them that.


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COMMENT | !!!
posted by : Doros78
9/11/2012 9:43:04 AM
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haha so great reading the comments here, talking about a has been or whatever, Maynard has done more then most of you will ever do, and what is the point coming to the internet and talk shit about some people you dont even like and don't even know?
and he seems to be doing fine with Pucifer and will sell lots of albums and concerts when Tool get back together.
so stop with the jelousy and get out of your parents basement


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COMMENT | #
posted by : MarlaHooch
9/11/2012 9:59:23 AM
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NEW TOOL ALBUM/SETLIST OR NOTHING ELSE MAYNARD DOES IN THE MEANTIME REALLY HAPPENED

That is all.


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COMMENT | There is no point defending this man..
posted by : Bathory5
9/11/2012 11:41:04 AM
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If the situation was in reverse he wouldn't even bother to look in your direction.

I admit I enjoyed Tool in my early adolescence but I can't stand this man anymore and his selfish, arrogant, narcissistic behavior.

I understand he's a famous musician but I have met many a famous musician and at some point in their life they get over this childish mentality.

I could care less for Tool anymore or any project that involves this man. Don't hold your breath.


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COMMENT | 'RE: There is no point defending this man..'
posted by : jeff79
9/11/2012 3:36:33 PM
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i COULDNT CARE LESS..get it fuckin right!


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COMMENT | #
posted by : shapechangerVII
9/11/2012 12:17:48 PM
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COMMENT | #
posted by : Double Shit-Talkin Jive
9/11/2012 5:29:03 AM
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what a fucking loser, this could've been written by a retarded 14 yo.







Hey, now, leave Evil_Twin out of this.


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COMMENT | #
posted by : jeff79
9/11/2012 3:35:46 PM
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i already have emptied out my bank account and sent you a cashiers check maynard! its called the 9 times I've seen TOOL live since lollapalooza '93....


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COMMENT | #
posted by : Sadistikexekution
9/11/2012 4:03:42 PM
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Jebus another wannabe intlektual... Fuck him!


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